43...

In light of my 43rd birthday last week, it's made me think about all that my life was, is and is yet to be...

I've settled on some of the lyrics of one of my favorite songs that sums up where I'm at right now. Although the song is called "Born Again," I don't believe it's talking about being spiritually born again...because that is not a feeling. It is a decision that one makes to accept Christ into your life and allows the Holy Spirit to live inside of you, sealing your salvation, your place in eternity. What this song says to me though is that when you've gone through some sort of tragedy/fire in your life and you are able to walk out of it a new person, having been in a battle, but now able to stand tall, it's a renewing feeling. That's how I feel. No longer looking back. It's like I've been given a 2nd chance at life. A new beginning:

Born Again

I was lost when you found me here

And I was broken beyond repair,

Then You came along and sang Your song over me

It feels like I'm born again 

It feels like I'm living

For the very first time

It feels like I'm breathing

It feels like I'm moving

For the very first time

In my life.

~Mac Powell, Third Day

Ground 0 ~ When a world comes crumbling down all around you it sets you back a bit.  I went really, really, really, really backwards. I was so backwards in my life that I forgot who I was and Whose I was. But despite all of the rubble, debris and destruction that was around me, I am finally at a place where I can move forward. Going backwards sometimes is the only way to go forward. God's grace brought me out, set my feet back on the ground, allowed me to hold my head up again, and it's His grace that I seek daily.

Rebuilding ~ So I was reading Romans 8:28-39 and thinking about my life in terms of God's worth and not what the world values me at and this really jumped out at me:  "If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

God had the power to halt me. To put an end to all the calamity and disarray that I created because of the choices I made. I acknowledge and own the mistakes I made in my past. I will face judgement and Christ will be right next to me because He was the atoning sacrifice for me. I don't deserve to be in Heaven, but then again none of us do. God is just, merciful, gracious, and loving. Because He gives us free will, we make decisions, either with Him or without Him and the consequences come. God is just. Punishment came. Separation. Loss. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He is not going to allow us to continue to spiral out of control. Eventually the rubber hits the road. The amazing thing is that God will meet us where ever we are! God is unfailing. When people walk away and can't even bare to look you, God is right there. If we have been sealed in the faith, we have been justified by God and through the blood of Christ, He declares us not guilty. His love for us reaches farther than our human minds can imagine. His purpose prevails.  "I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you." Isaiah 44:22


The 3 C's ~ Choices. Change. Challenges. With choices that we make come change and many challenges. There have been so many changes in my life over the past year, but the one that is the most prominent is my renewed relationship with Jesus Christ. At a time in my life when I felt unworthy and unacceptable, He reminded me that I am His daughter and regardless of the choices that I made that will never change. Starting my life over with Christ centered as opposed to on the fringe helps me keep everything in perspective. I have learned the hard way to trust God with everything regardless of my circumstances. He has given me a 2nd chance. I cling to His promises. "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 1 Peter 3:9

The Future ~ Because God holds my future, I can't write about what is yet to be. I live day by day. He has poured out His blessings on me and my family because I have decided to follow His ways, not mine. I have a husband who follows Christ with all that he has, who loves me with all of my flaws, who cherishes me, who protects me. I have 2 beautiful daughters, who also follow Jesus and are incredibly gifted, and I have 2 wonderful step-children who bring so much life and love into this world. I have a career that allows me to balance my family life and also help children learn and communicate. I have family who believe in me and love me. I have friends, some old and some new, who have stood by me and continue to walk with me. I have a church family that has accepted me. My life is full and complete. I trust God to lead us and believe that His plan is best.  "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

There are challenges created by choices that were made, but there is nothing beyond God's ability to heal the broken hearted and turn what was meant for bad into good. I am working on rebuilding and restoring relationships with those that I've hurt. I want to do what is right. If this is all that God wants for me right here, right now, I'm ok with that. I am open to whatever and wherever He wants me. I want to live every moment in Him and for Him!
  
I was broken beyond repair...It feels like I'm breathing...It feels like I'm moving...For the very first time...in my life.

God uses our challenges to give us our greatest gifts...Max Lucado