43...

In light of my 43rd birthday last week, it's made me think about all that my life was, is and is yet to be...

I've settled on some of the lyrics of one of my favorite songs that sums up where I'm at right now. Although the song is called "Born Again," I don't believe it's talking about being spiritually born again...because that is not a feeling. It is a decision that one makes to accept Christ into your life and allows the Holy Spirit to live inside of you, sealing your salvation, your place in eternity. What this song says to me though is that when you've gone through some sort of tragedy/fire in your life and you are able to walk out of it a new person, having been in a battle, but now able to stand tall, it's a renewing feeling. That's how I feel. No longer looking back. It's like I've been given a 2nd chance at life. A new beginning:

Born Again

I was lost when you found me here

And I was broken beyond repair,

Then You came along and sang Your song over me

It feels like I'm born again 

It feels like I'm living

For the very first time

It feels like I'm breathing

It feels like I'm moving

For the very first time

In my life.

~Mac Powell, Third Day

Ground 0 ~ When a world comes crumbling down all around you it sets you back a bit.  I went really, really, really, really backwards. I was so backwards in my life that I forgot who I was and Whose I was. But despite all of the rubble, debris and destruction that was around me, I am finally at a place where I can move forward. Going backwards sometimes is the only way to go forward. God's grace brought me out, set my feet back on the ground, allowed me to hold my head up again, and it's His grace that I seek daily.

Rebuilding ~ So I was reading Romans 8:28-39 and thinking about my life in terms of God's worth and not what the world values me at and this really jumped out at me:  "If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

God had the power to halt me. To put an end to all the calamity and disarray that I created because of the choices I made. I acknowledge and own the mistakes I made in my past. I will face judgement and Christ will be right next to me because He was the atoning sacrifice for me. I don't deserve to be in Heaven, but then again none of us do. God is just, merciful, gracious, and loving. Because He gives us free will, we make decisions, either with Him or without Him and the consequences come. God is just. Punishment came. Separation. Loss. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He is not going to allow us to continue to spiral out of control. Eventually the rubber hits the road. The amazing thing is that God will meet us where ever we are! God is unfailing. When people walk away and can't even bare to look you, God is right there. If we have been sealed in the faith, we have been justified by God and through the blood of Christ, He declares us not guilty. His love for us reaches farther than our human minds can imagine. His purpose prevails.  "I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you." Isaiah 44:22


The 3 C's ~ Choices. Change. Challenges. With choices that we make come change and many challenges. There have been so many changes in my life over the past year, but the one that is the most prominent is my renewed relationship with Jesus Christ. At a time in my life when I felt unworthy and unacceptable, He reminded me that I am His daughter and regardless of the choices that I made that will never change. Starting my life over with Christ centered as opposed to on the fringe helps me keep everything in perspective. I have learned the hard way to trust God with everything regardless of my circumstances. He has given me a 2nd chance. I cling to His promises. "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." 1 Peter 3:9

The Future ~ Because God holds my future, I can't write about what is yet to be. I live day by day. He has poured out His blessings on me and my family because I have decided to follow His ways, not mine. I have a husband who follows Christ with all that he has, who loves me with all of my flaws, who cherishes me, who protects me. I have 2 beautiful daughters, who also follow Jesus and are incredibly gifted, and I have 2 wonderful step-children who bring so much life and love into this world. I have a career that allows me to balance my family life and also help children learn and communicate. I have family who believe in me and love me. I have friends, some old and some new, who have stood by me and continue to walk with me. I have a church family that has accepted me. My life is full and complete. I trust God to lead us and believe that His plan is best.  "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

There are challenges created by choices that were made, but there is nothing beyond God's ability to heal the broken hearted and turn what was meant for bad into good. I am working on rebuilding and restoring relationships with those that I've hurt. I want to do what is right. If this is all that God wants for me right here, right now, I'm ok with that. I am open to whatever and wherever He wants me. I want to live every moment in Him and for Him!
  
I was broken beyond repair...It feels like I'm breathing...It feels like I'm moving...For the very first time...in my life.

God uses our challenges to give us our greatest gifts...Max Lucado

Over the hills, and through the mud, to greener pastures we go...

Lord Hill Trail Run, 10 miles  ~ March 6, 2011

Spencer and I are in training for a half marathon we are doing the middle of April. As part of our training we searched for other smaller races to run in preparation for the "BIG" one. Low and behold, we found the Lord Hill Trail Run, a 5, 10, 20, or 30 mile race through the Lord Hill Regional Park in Snohomish outside of Monroe, WA. We've done a trail run before and found it to be so much fun! Combining our love of running in the great, rugged outdoors with our love of hiking. A little earlier in the season than we've done before, but it fit in perfectly with our training schedule. We were to do 10 miles this weekend anyway so we may as well do an organized race to get our minds geared up for April.

It was a great day! Sun was starting to peak its yellow head out of the clouds and there was no rain in the forecast. In the trail description it mentioned that we may encounter a horse or two and some hikers on the trail and to use good judgement and etiquette as we pass. No problem! So we started off on our trot towards the back of the 200 runners. Feeling good about the pace and energized to get these 10 miles under our belts! Our trot suddenly came to a halt as we came up to a muddy pit we had to try and leap over right off the bat. We instantly regretted not wearing our older sneakers as our white running shoes were now brown and soaked. So we continued to squish along the trail, dodging and leaping over and through muddy pathways. Then we hit a big hill...the hill itself was intimidating to me, probably about a 12-15% grade and on top of that was mud and sludge, rocks and weeds. Thankful though for the rocks and weeds for that is what kept us from slipping back down the hill! Spencer was there to support me and help pull/push me along and most of all encourage me as I moaned and groaned most of the way up! He kept telling me that we've done the Incline (in CO), that this is cake compared to that, etc. He's always so positive and uplifting! My legs were killing me and we were only about a half mile into the race. All I could say was, "Are you kidding me?" "Is this how it's going to be the whole time?" "I'm so tired!" I'm such a whiner!!

As we continued along from that hill we finally had a break from the mud and followed the arrows which took us into a lush, mossy green pathway that was fairly flat and mud-less! Hallelujah! We've reached the Promised Land!

As we are running down this new path, I'm starting to feel refreshed and re-energized. I told Spencer that what we just went through reminds me of how life is. We are not going to always have these lush, green paths before us. We will have to navigate through mud, horse manure, rocks, climb hills, and traipse through, over, under and out of all sorts of pits and barriers that will attempt to push us off the path and into areas that weren't meant for "walking on." Our character is built while we're on those yucky paths...we suffer, we get discouraged, we feel pain, we get dirty, we bleed. But if we stay on course and don't get off even when it gets hard to continue on that path, we will come out of the mud and sludge and onto greener pastures! If all we ever had was the easy roads to walk on, how would we ever get stronger? Perseverance is the key to growth!

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." 

James 1: 12

"The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 

1 Peter 5:10

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." 

1 Corinthians 4:17

"Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." 

James 1:4-5

So, all that to say, the road did not stay lush and green at "Lordy" Lord Hill! The course took us through many more challenging obstacles. But, we persevered. Made it to the finish in 2 and a half hours! It was the hardest 10 miles we've ever had to endure, but our feet stayed on course and there was yummy homemade vegetable soup & chili and cold water waiting for us at the finish line! Sticking to the plan has it's rewards! We may be dirty on the outside from having gone through the mud pits, but we are stronger, more steadfast and determined on the inside!

We did it!

My Prayer

Lord Jesus, thank you for challenges like Lord Hill because it reminds me that you are in control! I could not get through life's ups and downs without your guidance. Thank you for your promises of perseverance. May I continue to use the challenges in life as lessons to build my character and make me stronger and more solid in my faith in you. You are my sustainer and you will never let me fall (Psalm 55:22).